Sorting's Secret

Discernment is tricky, until you know the secret

I wrote an article about the Superpower of Sorting a little while ago. It explained that judging objects is fine, but judging people, behaviors, and feelings isn’t. It feels clear and straightforward until it doesn’t. Here is what I do when it isn’t straightforward.

Judgment is the binary yes/no. Discernment is the untangling of thoughts that often requires some ranking; good, better, best, type of thing. Discernment becomes clunky, like judgment, when applied to people, behaviors, and feelings.

What to do?

Younger me struggled with this for heaps of reasons, and as you know, that is between me and my therapist. It was also one of the reasons I chose a mindfulness-based approach to diabetes care and nutrition. The ability to discern is a skill, so when you practice it, it is called ‘skillfulness,’ which I love!

Back to discernment! Most of the time, we think of behavior as “good, better, or best.” An example is “X behavior is good, Y behavior is better, and Z behavior is the best.” This is the magic of sorting. You might instruct a client by saying,

• Pausing before eating is good,

• Pausing and noticing your hunger is better

• Pausing, noticing your hunger, and choosing based on your needs is best.

Yet, the secret is sorting is a skill, and when you say THAT, it is a complete game-changer!

Enter this idea of skillfulness.

An example is X behavior is skillful, Y behavior is more skillful, and Z is the very skillful. You might say,

• Pausing before eating is skillful.

• Pausing and noticing your hunger is more skillful.

• Pausing, noticing your hunger, and choosing based on your needs is very skillful.

Check in for yourself and consider how this lands for you.

Discernment is an overlooked skill in our fast-paced world, and nourishing it takes time and support.

If I want to really knock things out of the park, I can add my experience. First, I must ask permission to share my experience with my clients. This sounds like, “Can I share my experience?” Once a client says yes, then I might share.

• I enjoy pausing before eating. It feels skillful.

• I learn a lot when I pause and notice my hunger. I can see that pairing the pause with my hunger helps me be more skillful.

• Pausing, noticing my hunger, and choosing based on my needs help me feel confident about my diet. When I practice this, I know that I am being skillful.

To me, shifting to my experience humanizes the experience. All the yucky judgment is gone, and there is a pure connection!